Losing An Argument? Correct Their Grammar

Born from an argument about what constitutes support during trying life episodes, my wife was in an antagonistic mood this morning. Her requirement for vengeance so bad, she vindictively filled my noticeboard ‘To Do’ list with things that don’t need doing…… or are physically impossible!

She is a dark horse my missus, adept at fooling many into thinking ‘butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth’. To clarify, she isn’t really a horse (dark or otherwise) more a dragon if roused. Meaning, with her breathing fire, the butter melts before it gets to her mouth.

Arguments and disagreements, though, are part and parcel of this wondrous institution of marriage. They ebb and flow like the unforgiving tides that pound the Blackpool seashore in November. Nature dictates they will occur regardless, it’s just a matter of where and when…… Although, tides can’t be placated with a ‘Kiss Me Quick’ hat and a stick of rock like the resolution of some arguments.

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Invented by Harrison’s Greetings Card & Shiny Balloon Emporium to boost flagging sales in the mid 1960’s, the holy sanctity of marriage has had a mixed success.

For some people betrothal fits and for others it doesn’t. Not a very profound synopsis of the sanctity of marriage, but I’m not here to give mission statements or answers to what constitutes a good partnership. The very simple reason being I’m not qualified or in a position to do so.

I’m merely penning tongue in cheek thoughts on a subject Groucho Marx described as “… a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”

The late actor/comedian also joked his wife got her looks from her father; he was a plastic surgeon!….. My wife Karen also  claims she got her looks from her dad. As he was a blacksmith that possibly explains a lot!

Despite being hitched for over twenty eight years, I’ve no idea what the secret of marital longevity is. Although I suspect not telling my spouse the blacksmith joke above has helped my cause!

If pressed, I’d say times of compromise, sacrifice and selflessness are essential. I’d also advocate never to go to bed on a argument. I’d add to that, never go to bed on a porcupine, which I used as a mattress last night and can vouch isn’t conducive to a comfortable nights slumber.

As I said above, my opinions are purely that, my opinions. I’m not an expert in marital harmony by any stretch of the imagination. Twenty eight years of marriage has brought many challenges and lows in addition to the good bits.

Like all relationships, especially ones of longevity, times of discord are inevitable. I suppose it’s how you deal with those times , not forgetting any collateral damage, that dictates how you progress from that point.

In the last six years, throughout my wife’s cancer battle, I’ve driven her hundreds of miles and spent an uncalculable number of hours in medical establishment waiting rooms with her. I’d like to think that can be classed as supportive.

However, as my input to the whole process was undertaken without a smile on my face, some people, as is their right, beg to differ.

Will this blip in marital harmony cause as long term damage? Under the circumstances, of course not. Will I start smiling in oncology institute waiting rooms? Equally unlikely, I’d say.

I’ll close this rambling account on marital discord with another Groucho Marx quote for those confused by this blog:-

“Why a four year old child could understand this report. Go out and get me a four year old child. I can’t make head nor tail of it.”

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