As I’m strapped for time today, in lieu of my usual daily vignettes of questionable observations, I’m forwarding the two rounds of questions I wrote for yesterday evenings Zoom quiz.

The first ten questions penned for a fictional ‘True or False’ round, in which I unapologetically make a series of absurdly untrue claims in the aim of imparting levity.

The second list of catechisms a multiple choice round where participants are asked to guess Argos products from the warehouse code provided. I’ve highlighted the correct answer. Enjoy……..

True or False

  1. True or False – TV chef Ainsley Harriet’s favourite firework is a Catherine Wheel? False – He’s a rocket man
  2. True or False – England rugby union coach Eddie Jones American uncle Casey was a train driver of a steam train named the Cannonball Express? – False…. His relative was Jones the Steam on Ivor the Engine.
  3. True or False – Pompous phonetic Professor Henry Higgins may’ve be the dog bollocks at teaching Cockneys to talk properly. However, his incorrect claim the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain highlighted he was shite at geography. – True
  4. True or False – Rubik’s cubes would be a lot easier to complete if you could peel the coloured stickers off and re-arrange them. False – They’re glued on too well to seamlessly carry out the ruse.
  5. True or False – When Billy Idol sang it was a nice day for a white wedding, he hadn’t banked on a rainstorm during the photographs. True
  6. True or False – The expression “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” is only ever proffered by blokes whose lasses have faces like clumsy beekeepers. True
  7. True or False – In a parallel universe, there’s a singer called Elton John who performs under the stage name of Reg Dwight? False, he performs under the moniker of Meat Loaf.
  8. True or False – Catholics sometimes use contraception. False…. They use the safe word “Geronimo!”
  9. True or False – Stating you see light at the end of the tunnel as an expression of positivity and happier times ahead is a misnomer. After all that light could be from a high speed train, which mows you down while you daydream of your upcoming contentment. True
  10. True or False – If you adhere to the saying ‘When in Rome do what the Romans do.” there’s a decent chance of being arrested for nipping women’s asses and/or driving like a f***ing idiot.” True

Argos Code Quiz

1) Code 450/0324

a) Silentnight Winter Nights Electric Underblanket – Double

b) A Colgate Infrared Tooth Brush

c) A Nodding Dog Car Ornament

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2) Code 619/4312

a) DeWolfe naval cleaner

b) Opti Vibrating Foam Roller

c) James May’s History of Hubcaps book

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3) Code 454/0645

a) DeLongi Vegetable Oil Filters

b) Trolls Teepee Play Tent

c) Phillips Ice Cream Maker

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4) Code 329/2822

a) Elegant Touch Toe Nail Clippers

b) Kenco Coffee Perculator

c) Dakers Extended Shoe Horn

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5) Code 906/3828

a) Anthony Worrell-Thompson Knife Set

b) Nick Wichell’s ‘Favourite Palaces ‘Annual

c) Subbuteo UEFA Champions League Edition

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6) Code 117/0953

a) India: The Cook Book

b) The Donald Trump ‘Honesty Is The Best Policy’ book

c) A Life of Ants – Pictorial Edition

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7) Code 336/0462

a) Vibrating sex toy with integrated bluetooth speaker

b) A History of Frogs book

c) Bose Frames Alto Audio Sunglasses

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8) Code 618/9286

a) Dog Crate Floor Protection Mat – Large

b) A Indesit Electric Cheese Grater

c) The Guinness Book of Records

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9) Code 889/4854

a) The ‘Slugworth’s Tips For Stealing Everlasting Gobstoppers’ book

b) Solar-powered Terracotta Water Fountain

c) A Bosch Electric Fan-Assisted Oven.

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10) Code 456/4638

a) LEGO DOTS Pineapple Pencil Holder DIY Craft Set 

b) Tony Hart ‘The Pictures I Never Returned’ annual

c) A ‘Gerry Adams sings Daniel O’Donnell’ CD