Always endeavouring to brighten my readership’s day, I thought I’d commence this piece litteraire with a random joke. A whizzbang I thought I’d procure with a little help from Amazon Alexa’s (AA).
Sadly, the cloud-based AI assistant wasn’t very forthcoming upon hearing the request. Her polite, soft tones almost apologetically informing me she was unable to accede when asked “Alexa, tell me a joke about ferrets.”.
News which may make you proffer “That’s no big deal, Gary… Just ask the enchanting AA for a joke relating to another topic.” A well-meaning suggestion I’d have taken onboard if I was not so determined to bequeath you whimsy at a ferret’s expense.
Disappointed at AA’s failure to accomplish my request, I embarked on a neurological journey questioning the virtual assistant’s versatility. Endeavouring to understand why Alexa can perform more difficult tasks, such as illuminating lightbulbs on command, but cannot fulfil a far easier task like supplying quips about European polecats.
Perching on your pew reading this offbeat prose, you may posit further: –
“I really appreciate your desire to entertain me; however, whizz-bangs relating to the weasel genus ordinarily leave me cold, anyhow… Especially, if sitting in a freezer when the punchline’s delivered! … Don’t worry about it, Gary. “
Actually, as it’s highly unlikely you’ll scan my prose while freezer in situ, it’s inconceivable I’ll ever be subject to the final sentence above… Strike that thought!
I’m unsure why I bear this deep desire to bequest my audience a ferret quip. Troubled, I brought this subject up earlier with my therapist. Sadly, he was unable to shed light on the root cause of a desire to raise levity on the topic. Instead, after spending half an hour listening intently to my symptoms, he diagnosed I was an idiot……. So, to summarise, I paid £100 to be insulted. To cap it all my therapist didn’t know any ferret jokes either.
Anyhow, I’ve resolved not to relay a joke on a none ferret related subject. Fear not, though, dear reader, in conclusion my loss will most likely be your gain.
To shatter a myth frequently fired at us northern Englishmen, I’ve never owned or even met a ferret at close quarters. GJ Strachan always keen to avoid any animal that’s swift, evasive and has the wherewithal to dash up his trouser leg in seconds… Vasectomy by polecat is way down my bucket list… Actually, coming to think of it, why is it even on my bucket list?!
My sister Helen had a hamster in her fledgling years, But, as it didn’t possess a ferret’s speed or aggression, I was less concerned about making its acquaintance. In fact, it wasn’t long before it became even slower… It unceremoniously died after just seven days in residence at chez Strachan.
As this rodent demise played out around four decades ago, I don’t recall the hamster’s name. With our parents no longer with us, I’d guess only our Helen would recall her short-lived pet’s moniker. All I can recollect is, as it was constantly transporting its bed its cage, our japester mother nicknamed it Pickfords.
Oh, it’s no good, I must scratch that itch (or should that be fitch?) and have another attempt at locating a ferret joke online.
Right, I’ve succeeded in finding a fitch related quip online. What for it…
“What do you call a ferret with a banana in each ear?… Whatever you want as he won’t be able to hear it.”
Ok, I’ll come clean, the original gag I found was “What do you call an elephant with a banana in each ear? Scrapping the bottom of the levity barrel I admit; however, in my defence, the joke (as tepid as it is) still works when substituting Nelly for a ferret.
Don’t judge me… After all, you’re not paying for this lukewarm literary fare!
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