I received a call this morning to tell me I’ve been sacked from my job with a NHS think tank. This was set up to look at ways to raise additional revenue for the overstretched National Health Service. For some reason my idea of raising money by advertising the local kebab shop on the back of prescriptions was deemed as one rubbish idea too far!

I was informed that it was the straw that broke the camels back! I had already received a warning following my suggestion that we improve the ambience in ambulances by putting up hanging baskets! I was told that not only did that not save/or raise any money it was also a bloody ridiculous idea!

Additionally, my follow panel members weren’t keen on my idea of reducing waiting lists by giving every second patient a packet of Paracetemol and telling to pull themselves together! ……. It’s a good job I didn’t tell them my first idea which was just to tell every second patient to “F*** off, we’re closed!”

Perhaps they are right when they told me I was insensitive and I lacked the empathy to fulfil the role!

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As I sit on my laptop watching my Forsythia shrub being battered by the unforgiving spring wind, I ponder whether the plant was named in honour of legendary entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth…….. Yes, I am that bored!!

After all loads of people have plants named after them. We also have a Basil Brush plant which is a variety of the Foxglove! …… Ok I made that up! But hey it was clever on some level. Admittedly a very low level but there you go! ….. Look you didn’t pay for this, you’re not gonna get Michael MacIntyre or Lee Mack!

I think it’s about time I changed the subject!

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I was woken at 07.00 this Sunday morning by an inconsiderate person cutting their lawn! ……… I’m assuming the racket outside was from a lawnmower. However, from the noise they are making it could well be they were circumcising a rhino!

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I’ve had around three hundred hits on my blog site in the two weeks since I set it up. I knew it was a good idea to give my mum and dad the link to it!

It doesn’t say who has visited so I’ve no idea if it has been the Samaritans wondering why their call volumes have suddenly increased in the last fortnight!

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I’m going to my mum and dads later. Being a thoughtful, dutiful son I have just bought some flowers and a bottle of wine to take over! …. Well I’ve got to have something decent to eat and drink while I’m there!

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I’m Manchester bound tomorrow with my son to watch Paul Simon and Sting on stage together!

Listening to Paul Simon will no doubt stir memories of journeys in my dads car in the 1970’s, when we used to listen to Simon & Garfunkel Greatest Hits cartridge on the eight track player. For those who aren’t sure what a cartridge player looked like back then all I can say is that they weren’t small. They were about the size of a pizza oven!

The only advantage to them was that they were so big that there was little chance of them being stolen as you’d need four men to carry it! …… There was one attempted theft but the thieves gave up and left a note saying “Have you got anything apart from Simon & Garfunkel?!”

He only had one tape so it got played over and over quite a few times. We didn’t mind though because at least it stopped my mum singing ‘Oh Mr Porter’ and ‘It’s a long way to Tipperary’ repeatedly!

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Right best go get ready to go to my parents. Au revoir!