Rooney Unhappy England Kit Makes His Arse Look Big

fictional tale

There may be trouble ahead for England Manager Roy Hodgson as it was revealed last night that his captain, and talisman, Wayne Rooney may quit international football. This follows a heated argument between the two over the new England kit !

It has emerged that the 29 year old Rooney is unhappy that the all white kit makes his “arse look big!” He says his wife Coleen claims it should be redesigned in black which is “ … more flattering to the fuller figure than white”

Rooney, who reputedy earns £1 million a day, has stated that his designer wife has volunteered her services to help makers Nike design a new kit that shows him in a more svelte light.

Nike, who have a multi million pound contract with the FA, are less than impressed with the England skipper’s petulance. A spokesman, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that the Liverpudlian should perhaps address the weight aspect rather than cost his company a fortune with a full redesign. He jokingly stated that perhaps the redesign should be in the shape of smock for the portly England captain.

Coleen, whose range of tights have been used for more bank robberies in the Liverpool area than and other designer, was unavailable for comment. Meanwhile, Rooney was having a ‘Frozen Singalong’ party with his team mates so was unable to comment further.

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