If the title of a 1997 James Bond movie is too be afforded credence, tomorrow never dies. With the current toxic global socio-political zeitgeist about to be poisoned further with a Donald J Trump second term as US president, one hopes that plotline does indeed play out.
In the celluloid offering directed by Roger Spottiswoode, 007 endeavours to prevent power mad Elliot Carter initiating World War III. I’ve not seen the movie based on Ian Fleming’s book ‘James Bond’; however, I can guess it follows the franchise prescription of car chases, casual misogyny and the secret agent prevailing at its denouement.
As 2025 dawns one cannot help positing life is on the verge of imitating a Bond screenplay. Only in this real-life who will be our James Bond? Seemingly bereft of well-intentioned leadership around the globe, who will protect us from the orange ‘Blofeld’ and the nefarious motives of his authoritarian buddies?
He is not even inaugurated as the US Chief Executive yet. However, from his SMERSH headquarters (well Mar-a-Lago) Trump metaphorically strokes his white cat, declaring his intention to ensnare Canada as America’s 51st state. Understandably the Canadians, who he disparagingly refers to as Snow Mexicans (allegedly) are ‘up in arms’.
Not the type of arms US citizens has a right to bear under the 2nd Amendment of their Constitution. Moreover, Canucks are adamant they’ve no desire to become part of a dysfunctional nation whose citizens are stupid enough to elect someone utterly unfit for High Office.
Footnote – The white cat should not be mistaken for the pussies Trump revealed he grabbed in his infamous Access Hollywood tape.
I suspect those from the land of the Maple Leaf will also be keen to maintain their current healthcare rights, which are significantly superior to their American counterparts. When I say significantly superior, I of course mean they have some… Well affordable ones anyhow; Canadians lucky enough not to re-mortgage their home to procure a sticking plaster.
Most likely being driven around by chauffeurs all his entitled life, Donald Trump might not have ever driven an automobile; potentially ruling out customary car chase scenes if Bond decided to take on the property mogul.
If I was writing a chase scene involving the orange Blofeld and Britain’s most famous spy, it would involve golf buggies at one of the villain’s luxury courses. 007 using the souped up carts to avoid sand dunes, water traps and Ivanka Trump’s grave while pursued by the 34 times convicted felon, and his evil sidekick Elon.
Trump desperately chasing his nemesis to retrieve stolen classified documents found by the mischievous agent in his Mar-a-Lago bathroom. Bond seizing the secret papers while fatso was taking part in the resorts ‘Man vs Food’ entertainment evening.
In the current social zeitgeist, it would be inappropriate to include a Bond girl in my storyline. However, for the purposes of the narrative I’m going to indulge myself, proffering that perhaps Stormy Daniels would be a good choice. The ex-porn star’s history at screwing over Trump for his misdeeds making her a pretty decent fit for the role.
As 007 is a fictional character, you may at this juncture be questioning my sanity. I’d counter that by highlighting Trump’s constant referencing of Hannibal Lecter while campaigning last Fall. The chianti loving cannibal also being clearly fictional.
Anyhow, if Donny boy and my questionable artistic licence worries you, sleep soundly knowing that at least neither of us oversees the nuclear codes… Oh, hold on a minute!!
How would I end my Bond film with Trump as it’s antihero? Would 007 prevail as always, or die in darkness like American democracy may under DJT? And where the hell are my slippers, my feet are freezing?
Tune in next week to find out. Same Bat time, same Bat channel… Well, if I haven’t succumbed to frostbite, that is!
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