After failing asleep in the middle of inter-tooth cleaning yesterday evening, this morning I awoke with an interspace dental brush prodding into my belly button.
Understandably, my initial sentiments on discovering the cause of this abdominal irritation were relief I’d not nodded off with the brush still in my mouth. Such a scenario presenting a significant choke risk.
At this juncture, I’d like to clarify I don’t ordinarily undertake any form of dental maintenance in bed. Yesterday’s veering from the status quo occurring after finding my dental brush box perched on my bedside cabinet.
These implements sold in various colours dependent on each user’s tooth gapping; the yellow one closest to my cleaning effectiveness. Not that the colour of the cleaner bears any relevance to asphyxiation jeopardy levels. Despite making light of the episode, I was genuinely lucky to avoid choking overnight.
Although serendipitous I take a positive from waking with a dental brush wedged in my umbilicus. That being how effective the product is for grooming the belly button.
Although a lesson learned inadvertently, seeing the ease with which it removed a cotton wool ball size piece of fluff in my umbilicus, along with a wedged salted peanut, opened my eyes to the versatility of this orthodontic tool.
Footnote – The presence of a peanut a consequence of my bed-time snacking. On reflection, yet another ill-thought-out habit introducing pre-slumber choke risk.
To clarify, to ensure the implement could not be inadvertently utilised later for tooth debris removal, I immediately binned the brush upon once liberating it from my umbilicus … Jeez, my moral compass isn’t that lax!
A while back, in a blog titled Avoiding The Well-Meaning Slap, I penned about a different choking scare. Prose relating to an incident which, at the time, led to an unhealthy obsession of suffering asphyxiation through careless ingestion.
Concerned about this recent compulsion, my mind meandered to how a session with a psychoanalyst may pan out for this pre-occupation. Knowing my luck, the session’s dialogue perhaps going like this?:-
Psychoanalyst (PA) – “It seems to me, Gary, you’re obsession has its roots in your fear of choking”
GS – “Why though, and what can I do about it?!”
PA – “It’d posit the cause is regressing to childhood when you nearly drowned on holiday in France.”
GS (Bemused) – ” I can’t remember nearly drowning as a child!……… In fact, during my fledgling years I don’t recall ever holidayed in France!”
PA (Defensively) – “Don’t take that confrontational tone with me. It’s not my fault your parents were too-tight fisted to take you on French vacations!”
GS (Angrily) – “My family weren’t tight-fisted!…. Every year without fail we went on an east coast holiday to my grandparent’s bungalow in Filey.”
PA (Patronisingly) – “Well Filey’s hardly France is it!!”
GS (Irritated) – “No, but we had great holidays. My family loved our week there each July.”
PA (Mischievously) – “Just a week in Filey as your annual vacation… See what I mean, tight-fisted!”
GS (Disenchanted at PA’s attitude) – “Aren’t you not supposed to be helping me understand the roots of my asphyxiation obsession? … Not antagonise me and insulting my family!”
PA – “I am helping you!”
GS (Bemused). – “How?!!…… All you’ve done is claim my problems are a consequence of a childhood incident which didn’t happen. In place my family never even visited!!… How does that help?!”
PA – “Freud said that every psychological issue known to man fundamentally had its roots in their childhood.”
GS (Irritated) – “Yes, but he meant occurrences that actually happened!… You’re advocating my new compulsion is a consequence of a childhood incident that didn’t occur!”
PA (Incomprehensibly) – “You get what you pay for!”
GS (Baffled) – “What does that even mean?!”
PA (Aiming to clarify) – “You’ve only paid for the basic £100 a session service, not the premium rate advocacies which cost £250 a time.
GS (No clearer as to what PA was alluding to) – “What is the difference between the two session options?”
PA (Bluntly) – “The basic session is mostly wild supposition… The premium service is more likely to pinpoint the genuine root cause.”
GS (Angrily) – “You’re just a charlatan, aren’t you!”
PA (Disinterested in my disenchantment) – “Right that’s your hour up, Mr Strachan….. That’s £100 you owe me!”
