In lieu of a blog today, I enclose a series of intentionally absurd/fictional ‘True or False inquiries written for a quiz yesterday evening, which ultimately I was unable to deliver after having to abort my participation in the clambake.
Disclaimer – Although some are indicated otherwise in bold, none of these idiosyncratic allegations are true in any shape or form:-
True or False
- True or False – The Pogues frontman Shane McGowan’s orthodentist learned the hard way that chisels weren’t ideal tools for undertaking tooth maintenance? – True
- True or False – Ignoring the adage advocating against the act, due to recurring equine gum disease, his local vet often looks FYC singer Roland Gift’s horse in the mouth? True.
- True or False – Elton John’s husband David Furnish’s real name is David Furniture-Polish? False
- True or False – Spandau Ballet frontman Tony Hadley purchases budgie Archie’s millet spray from ‘Pets At Home? False. The singer of the song ‘True’ procures budgerigar supplies from the Pets Planet website.
- True or False – Despite reading his cornflakes cereal box upside down, U2 guitarist The Edge thinks Irish people get a rum deal when painted as the intellectual equivalent of Benny from Crossroads’ underpants? True
- True or False – Late ‘Dead or Alive’ singer Pete Burns visage makeup was based on the slapdash cosmetic application adorned by Aunt Sally in Barbara Euphan Todd’s ‘Worzel Gummidge’ books? – False.
- True or False – Madness lead singer Suggs’ name contains more consonants than vowels? – True. Unless you count the letters G and S as vowels.
- True or False – The iconic saxophone solo arrangement in Gerry Rafferty’s 1970’s hit ‘Baker Street’ was originally arranged by former Beatles producer George Martin to be performed on duck whistle? False. The Scot Rafferty originally wrote the riff for fipple flute.
- True or False – Middlesborough rock star Chris Rea has a Welsh cousin with irritable bowel syndrome named Dai O’Rea? False.
- True or False – Pop star Olly Murs failed in his attempts to qualify as a barrister through his inability to spell habeas corpus? True
- True or False – Legendary Welsh crooner Tom Jones couldn’t spell habeas corpus either, but having no aspirations of a legal career wasn’t overly fussed? True
- True or False – Fellow ‘The Voice UK’ judge of Murs and Jones’, Will I Am knows how to spell habeas corpus, but abandoned his barrister career after circuit judges barred him from wearing his trademark trilby in court? False
- True or False – Kaiser Chiefs lead singer, and sometime ‘The Voice UK’ judge Ricky Wilson knows a really good joke about ferrets? True
- True or False – Olly Murs agrees that Ricky Wilson’s ferret joke is reasonably funny, but posits it’s not as humorous as Paloma Faith’s whizzbang about the 12″ pianist? True
- True or False – Producers of ‘The Voice UK’ recently issued an edict that the show judges concentrate on the vocal wherewithal of contestants, as opposed to nattering about Latin legalese spelling, along with jocular anecdotes about ferrets and pianists. False. Those topics are deemed far more entertaining than the lukewarm musical fare dished out by the wannabe singers.
