Caution

Gazing aimlessly through my home office window, I witness browning birch tree leaves hang forlornly in the late summer sun. The moribund deciduous foliage sending an unwelcome reminder autumn, with its diminishing temperatures and earlier dusks, is around the corner.

Consequently, GJ Strachan will shortly begin preparations for forthcoming chilly weather, a need for earlier apartment illumination and an audit of winter clothing supplies.

Long autumn/winter evenings generally see me light my living room with a variety of candles; the wax T-lights improving the room ambience no end. 

Over those seasons, does this form of illumination work out cheaper than lighting the chambers with lamps, or (God forbid) the ‘big light’?… Possibly not. However, the calming flicker and low lighting provides a small comfort to a soul flagging from vitamin D deficiency… It does me anyhow.

The recent installation of a Smart Meter, which provides up to date gas and electric usage, has already brought about behavioural changes. This newfound frugality resulting in me turning off any socket not being utilised, sparser use of my electric oven and less kettle usage.

This switch to cautious energy monitoring a trait I anticipate, despite possibly saving me money in colder/darker months, will introduce some level of OCD angst. 

As I am on a fixed tariff, I’m not going to be impacted by increased energy price rises over this winter. However, if I see either resource speedily ramping up on the meter it’ll no doubt trigger me into hurtling around the flat, frantically switching off everything… Although hopefully not Uncle Arthur’s ventilator.

When I say ventilator, I’m referring to the dehumidifier in Uncle Arthur’s room; not he is wired up to a life support machine in some home-based Intensive Care Unit (ICU). I know bed spaces are of a premium for the NHS, but they haven’t yet reached a juncture of encouraging family to administer ICU treatment in one’s own home.

Uncle Arthur requires the dehumidifier as his room tends to emit high levels of condensation. I’m unsure if these water droplets emanate from the old fella’s excessive sweat or are caused by his constant kettle boiling when making a brew in his room… CONSTANTLY BOILING A KETTLE!… CONSTANTLY BOILING A KETTLE!… NO WONDER MY SMART METER SHOWS SUCH BLOODY HIGH ELECTRICITY COSTS!… UNCLE ARTHUR, TURN THAT FLAMING KETTLE OFF!!

A good start to save money today would be to unplug my laptop. After all, it fully charged around half an hour ago; however, I’ve just realised I’d left the device plugged into the mains electric… Fiscal recklessness evoking memories of one of my late mum’s quotes, “You’d think my arse was studded with diamonds!” 

Before I proceed further, despite being as flawed as the next person**, I would like to think I am a benevolent fella. A man who has treated numerous individuals to multiple acts of both financial and spiritual kindness.

However, getting an energy Smart Meter has been a catalyst to more responsible fiscal management. A good thing for both the environment and my bank account.

** Unless, of course, the next person isn’t flawed!

Watching the poetic view of displaced birch tree leaves flutter past my window in a late August zephyr, I can’t help but think of nature’s contrasting seasonal cycle. Episodes bringing with them the enchantment bequeathed by multiple shaded leaves, along with a heart-warming sight of birds gathering pre-autumnal food, and… OH, CHUFFING HELL. I’VE JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE INADVERTENTLY LEFT THE BLOODY IMMERSION ON!!!