Nuts

Searching a topic for this literary assignment, I have just been greeted by a random YouTube advertisement showing how to stop squirrels stealing nuts from your garden bird feeder. 

A tutorial which will no doubt prove invaluable if I ever procure a bird feeder. Or it would have been if I was motivated enough to watch the informational clip. However, not owning a garden bird feeder or, as I live in an apartment block, a garden, I clicked past the video. The subsequent advert giving advice mitigating against garden birds stealing squirrel food.

To be honest, though, even if I owned a garden and a bird feeder, I have a far more simplistic strategy to stop squirrels pilfering avian food… Just leave the bloody thing empty. Better still, don’t buy a bird feeder; a strategy which not only foils the pesky squirrels but will save you a few quid.

When I moved into this apartment two years ago its communal gardens had a functioning bird table. Sadly, gusty weather conditions, and what I can only surmise was a severely overweight wood pigeon, have since destroyed the wooden structure. All that remains, as I look out of my flat window, are three of the four base legs. 

“How do you know it was an overweight garden bird, not an obese squirrel, Gary?” I hear you cry.

Well, ordinarily bereft of food, the table acted merely a resting place for our feathered friends. With no tuck to pilfer, the bushy tailed critters would have little, if any, interest in the visiting this piece of garden furniture. 

I have no proof any avian played a part in the structure’s destruction, however, I’d venture they’d be more likely to be involved in its wear and tear than the local squirrel population.

Blimey, I have just written over 300 words rambling about feeding garden wildlife… I really do have far too much time on my hands!

It’s good to be back writing again in the past two days. A packed calendar in the last fortnight, or so, has meant I’ve had little free time to escribe lately. 

Although pleased to have had a full itinerary, the lack of opportunity to wax lyrical hasn’t helped my mental health. Indulging in creative output my go to pastime when dark clouds gather around my neurological corridors. Not that my life has not been packed with brio-inducing episodes of late.

Among the events taking up my time have been a lads campervan weekend away in Northumberland, a day/night in Manchester for a music festival with my partner Sarah, a family get together for a cousin’s 60^thbirthday, and performing a reading of my work at an ‘Open Mic’ event in Harrogate… A busy old time, full of fun, laughter, and peptic gas.

My life so much more entertaining these days. Hopefully, long gone are the days when the most exciting elements of my existence were flipping playing cards into a top hat. A pastime only slightly less entertaining than wedging a rye grass strand between both thumbs and blowing. The latter hobby resulting in an odious rasping sound akin to that of a bee whistling the William Tell Overture.

Yeah, having retired early, I am in a fortunate position to be able to fill my life by attending a host of memorable, upbeat events. However, I think the fact I have a far more positive outlook on life augments my existence massively.

Sure, like everyone, I have and will continue to face many challenging life episodes. However, when the verve imparting times occur, for the first time in memory, I allow myself opportunity to enjoy and appreciate them. 

Unlike previously when I bore a form of guilt when afforded times of good fortune. Receiving serendipitous episodes, plaudits, and compliments never sitting well with me. Sure, I enjoyed positive feedback, yet it never felt like I deserved it… Finally, though, allowing myself to bask in better times has augmented my life no end.

Hopefully, the playing cards, top hat and strand of rye grass will stay locked away in the closet for a bit longer… Incidentally, is there a carpenter in the house to fix this bird table?!