Is that really Cheryl Cole’s phone number? – Blog #7

Everyday these days seems to be a day of celebration or acknowledgement of someone or something! Be it Grandparents Day, Auntie Maureen Day, My Shoes Are On Fire Day to name a few……. Ok I admit it I made the last two up utilising a modicum of artistic licence in an attempt to strengthen my argument! (which is lucky because I couldn’t find a card for either in Hallmark!).

I was advised that today is apparently St Cuprinol’s Day. Evidently, he is the patron saint of creosote. I’m taking this with a pinch of salt, however, as the chap who told me it was a simple sounding chap who was reading the ‘Big Issue’ upside down outside of Starbucks in Leeds!


I rang my brother Ian yesterday for a catch up. Our chats normally revolve around the soap opera that is Leeds Utd, and a bet on how long into the call before the batteries on his phone run out.

In recent months the batteries seem to run out of charge after ten minutes into the call. It means every conversation we have has to be delivered at the fast pace of a horse racing commentator or an auctioneer!

It may well be, of course, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with his phone and he uses it as an excuse to cut me off when he’s had enough of me!

One thing for sure is that he doesn’t seem eager to replace the phone so he must be content with this experience as it is!

When I spoke to him, I started the conversation by ringing pretending to be head of the Uk Eurovision Song Contest management team. I asked if he could re-write this years entry to include his own brand of melancholic lyrics. He wasn’t taken in by this though. He just told me to bollocks and we moved on swiftly!

Is there any wonder he pretends his phone batteries are dying and he abruptly ends calls I hear you cry?!

The only time I managed to fool him was when I pretended to be the Head of the Welsh Tourist Board, when I was so convincing I sold him a week in a B&B in Aberystwyth!


I’ve just heard Jeremy Kyle described as a National Treasure on tv. I’m really hoping it is the type of treasure that spends hundreds of years submerged under water in a stricken galleon! ……………As you can see my anger management therapy isn’t quite working yet!


I’ve just had an offer from a buyer for our house. Karen and I were flattered at this although somewhat surprised as it’s not for sale!!

I politely informed the wannabe purchaser of this. He didn’t look very happy as he stood at my front door wearing his ‘Can I buy your house?” t-shirt and a Kanye West sulk. But I managed to pacify him with a Toffee Crisp and supplying him with Cheryl Cole’s mobile phone number and he wandered off happily!

Its not really Cheryl Cole’s number it’s my sister-in-laws!! But they are both Geordies so it might fool him ………. unless they ever meet!!

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