Having a great time in Fuerteventura and the hotel is top notch.

The holiday didn’t start too well though as, due to the heavy overhead cloud, the very barren landscape on the way to Corralejo and some of the hairy arsed inhabitants on the bus, I felt as though I was in a remake of ‘Return to Planet Of the Apes’!

My mood was not helped by the fact a young child in front of me on the journey was telling his grandma about his newly acquired counting skills he had learned at school. I initially thought as he said “One …. Two ….. Three ….” It was nice that the child took such pride in his numeracy skills that he wanted to share this with gran.

However, by the time he got to “Two Hundred and Ten ……….. Two Hundred and Eleven ….. Two Hundred and Twelve……” my nails were dug deep into the seat in front begging that he would stop soon. When he got to “Three Hundred and Seventy Two……….. Three Hundred and Seventy Three ……….. Three Hundred and Seventy Four ………..” I could stand it no longer and, fearing he may be able to count to a million, I stood up and shouted “OKAY SON WE REALISE YOU CAN BLOODY COUNT !!!!”.

I then sat back down feeling very embarrassed that I had lost it with the kid, as the remainder of the bus looked on disapprovingly.

The entertainment is pretty good and during our stay there were, amongst other things, a Beatles tribute band and an ABBA night. Some of the competitions were a bit contrived though as one of them on one night was ‘Wear a hat and win a prize’. Typical, this is the first bloody holiday I have ever been on where I haven’t been in possession of my trilby !!

One of the nights we were informed by a poster outside the bar that the evenings entertainment was ‘Flamenco Dancing’. Karen looked at the sign and turned at me declaring “Those Spaniards are useless. They do not even know how to spell Flamingo.”

She then shook her head and we commenced wandering into the Entertainment Hall to grab a table. As we walked I said “No, it is correct it is called Flamenco Dancing not Flamingo Dancing!”. She turned back to me and replied tersley “Don’t be so bloody stupid Gary there is no such bird as a Flamenco!”

I gave her the look of disbelief the pool attendant had given her earlier in the day when, in a foolish attempt to appear intelligent, she had asked him if the chairs were ‘genetically modified’. I then took the decision it would be better not to take this surreal conversation any further

We then took our seats and as the show started and as the curtain drew back I ended up spitting the beer I was drinking all over the bloke sat in front of me as there on stage were four f****ing Flamingo’s complete with maracas and tap shoes !!!!

During the holiday I have been reading a autobiography by the Monty Python team. Whilst reading this book I receive quite a bit of attention from one of the Spanish waiters who proclaims himself to be a big Monty Python fan. Every time he walks past me he announces “Theeezz eeez a dead paarrrott!” and giggles uncontrollably much to my annoyance..

He also seems to revel in asking endless questions about the book, which was fine by me initially. However, this is really starting to annoy me to such an extent that on one occasion I felt like proclaiming that “I wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition !!” However, I thought the irony of the comment might be lost on him and decided against it !!!

Not only am I reading whilst away, I also have a notepad to attempt to do some creative writing. I wrote 15,201 words (I knew the kid who loved counting on the bus would come in handy) of inane nonsense and general observations similar to this shite really. It has a work in progress title of ‘Bedtime Stories For Dogs’.

Anyway I am off now to type up the 15,201 words I wrote by pen into my notebook onto my laptop. I will see you on Tuesday refreshed and raring to go !!