Strachan Sie Deutsch

While morbidly rubber-necking at the car crash masquerading as the US presidential election campaign, it struck me how many of the country’s powerful women utilise both maiden and married surnames within their monikers.

In a move, no doubt, providing raised esprit levels among anagram enthusiasts, the honourable ladies Amy Coney Barrett, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Nancy Pelosi all embracing this assimilating naming convention.

Alright, Nancy Pelosi isn’t one of them. However, as I’m unable to recall a fourth exponent within the US hierarchy, so deeming three examples wouldn’t build a strong enough backing to my narrative, I added NP’s moniker hoping you wouldn’t notice…… Although, you clearly did…… I really should have more faith in you guys!!

Amy Coney Barrett, or Amy Boney Carrot as my puddled uncle Bob refers to her, was this week sworn in as a Justice on the US Supreme Court. I’m unsure if she gets referred to a ACB, like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is predominately titled AOC…. Hopefully not, though, as I’d hate for her acronym to be confused with that of the Azerbaijan Credit Bureau.

As mother to seven kids, Justice Barrett is lucky the US doesn’t adopt the UK’s lockdown tier system. Otherwise the first edict she’d have to overturn (after Roe v Wade) would be the COVID lockdown rule of six.

Mercifully for her, though, but not thousands of Americans, her federal government are more reticent to mitigate against COVID’s spread than the UK’s slightly less inept leaders. Consequently, it’s one less thing for the newly inaugurated justice to concern herself with.

It appears the adoption of both maiden and married surnames is a popular naming selection these days. A consequence of the wife’s desire her maiden name remains visible post betrothal. I guess it’ll be a boon for future generations when undergoing the tracing of their genealogy.

That being said, continued use of this naming approach is fraught with pit-falls. For example, what happens when Louise Casper-Ball marries Jack Harrison-Creoste? Will they become Mr & Mrs Casper-Ball-Harrison-Creosote?

If Jack and Louise’s boy Archie then becomes betrothed to Genevieve Partington-Smyth, will the newly weds become Mr & Mrs Partington-Smyth-Casper-Ball-Harrison-Creosote? …… See what I mean about the dangers for future generations following an approach of merging family names. It’s absolutely fraught with jeopardy.

My concerns raised without even touching upon the schoolboy brio some individuals would procure at the union of Jack Ball and Zoe Sack.

Or the joy derived by the less enlightened by Archie Sore and Joanne Testicles’ matrimony……. Although, I suspect Joanne would’ve been exposed to fearful ribbing even before tying the knot with young Archibald.

I suppose with a surname of Strachan, pronounced Stracken, not Strawn (as employed by many of my clan), I’d get an easy ride if I merged my name after a marriage.

The nearest you could get my family moniker to anything remotely whimsical would be tying the knot with a Miss De Deutsch, when I’d become Gary Strachan Sie Deutsch. A play on the German inquiry ‘sprechen sie deutsch?’, which I believe queries whether recipient can speak the Bavarian language.

How would I feel about acquiring a moniker which, when proffered, sounds a bit like I’m asking an individual if they can speak German? Not a lot really.

Although, as your truly doesn’t know a word of German, I hope if capable of communicating in that tongue, the recipient doesn’t assume GJ Strachan also possesses similar linguistic wherewithal. Otherwise it’d lead to a challenging verbal interaction for yours truly, not to mention the bemused Deutsch speaker.

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