Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Archive for May 2019

Camera, Lights…… Action!!

Yesterday afternoon, as a followup to my gastric haemorrhage in April, I underwent a gastroscopy procedure. A medical examination involving the insertion of a camera into my mouth, allowing it a short aesthetically displeasing sojourn down my oesophagus, coming to rest at the top of my stomach. Once the camera reached its destination, which Tripadvisor has rated as 3.5 stars out of 5***, a doctor was able to investigate how […]

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Job Vacancy

Yesterday a friend announced their Labrador has developed a disturbing culinary taste while they partook in saunters through local meadows and copses. This new unwanted dietary development presenting itself in the form of its habitual participation in daily ‘all you can eat’ binges of fox pooh. According to the dog’s owner the ambience provided by a mixture of fox pooh and wet fur, courtesy of the damp fields it roams, […]

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Still Standing

Recently I was asked by a younger acquaintance to describe life residing on the sometimes fraught pastures of middle age. They didn’t ask in exactly that manner, their enquiry delivered more along the lines of “It must be s**t being middle aged, you fat b*****d!” However, I thought my version more poetic. Ordinarily, when questioned about the merits (or otherwise) of residing at this juncture of the ageing process I […]

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Mischievousness Mutterings

Hold onto your britches and hose, the wait is finally over. Reality TV gods have aligned the entertainment planets, allowing ITV bosses permission to disclose this year’s lineup on 2019’s ‘Celebrity Love Island’ (CLI). Consequently, the shows loyal fanbase can now stop twiddling their thumbs, and indeed anything else they do in times of intrigue – The TV casting riddle wrapped within an enigma is no more. Not knowing who […]

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Odyssey

Relentless precipitation is this morning’s meteorological guest in Leeds 15. Consequently, I’m witnessing a Zeusian deluge akin to that written about in Genesis, where Noah, his family and two of every animal (apart from the snargle) avoided drowning by boarding an ark. The snargle a species of wild cat, which folklore journals could run as fast backwards as it could forwards. An evolutionary ‘gift’ which meant that, without possessing eyes […]

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Ian

On this day in mid-1960’s Kirskstall, Leeds my younger brother Ian made his appearance into the world. Born at home, our kid arrived shortly after the conclusion of the second Cassius Clay vs Sonny Liston fight. With Clay (latterly Muhammed Ali) winning by first round KO, Ian didn’t turn up on time to witness Liston being struck to the canvas by the Louisville Lip. Although I suspect, as a new-born […]

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The Self-Proclaimed Bard of Bardsey

A couple of years back, in an attempt to increase the versatility of my work, I set myself a challenge of penning poetry, as an aside to my daily blog. Deliberately quilled in an enigmatic, cryptic and pretentious style, these sonnets provoked the reader into their own challenge of unravelling the meaning of the locutions. I must have written around fifty of these poems in the summer of 2017. Prose […]

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