Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Archive for September 2017

The Wrong Pans

Scene – It’s just gone 8 pm on a Friday evening in the Burmantofts area of Leeds. The fledgling dusk is around an hour old and under lamplight outside an oncology unit and ambulance slowly approaches the entrance. Once stationary at the entrance area, an octogenarian patient is taken from the medical vehicle by portable bed. A mattress on which he’s laid since the commencement of his transfer from a […]

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Paying Off The Builders

I’ve recently returned from collecting for MacMillan cancer support at Marks & Spencer Food in Cross Gates. After navigating torrential rain to secure their weekend provisions, as usual the big-hearted M&S customers dug deep and donated magnanimously. Consequently, the consumers altruism meant my voluntary stint concluded with a weighty collection bucket, not to mention arms like Stretch Armstrong. Dressed in my green MacMillan t-shirt I now resemble a sea sick orang-utan. I’ve written many times […]

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The Phoenix?

As I peer north westerly out of living room window in the direction of neighbouring West Ardsley, I’m greeted by a cloudless blue East Ardsley sky. I’m currently in situ at my parents home in the village west of Wakefield, about to embark on another day where the hog remains on terra firma. This recrudescing routine involves writing a blog, visiting my dad in hospital to see how he’s progressing, followed by working out which […]

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Better Late Than Never

As I commence this narrative, I’m in the dining room of my parents home in East Ardsley.  The clock on the wall indicates that it is 4:58 pm, although my laptop clock begs to differ with 4:20 pm being displayed in the bottom right of my screen. I’m not an astute detective like animated karate exponent Hong Kong Phooey, but I’d venture the laptop is the more horologically accurate of the two timepieces. After all, the dining room […]

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“Get The Door Will Ya, Barb!”

Actor Ricky Tomlinson is 78 years old today. Famous for his roles in Brookside, Cracker and the Royle Family, he is also renowned as the only person who uses the word arse more than my mum. Although, to be fair to my mum, if I wasn’t around my parents house so much I reckon her use of the word would significantly diminish. Blackpool born and Liverpool bred, Tomlinson has led a […]

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“Keep Reading!”

Today’s narrative is my 900th offering since I embarked on this literary journey in spring 2015. Back then I was a ‘wet behind the ears’ boy who hadn’t previously utilised such erudite lexicological offerings as capricious, salubrious and clandupeness. Ok, I’ll admit I wasn’t a boy (I was firmly entrenched in middle age), not to mention there is no such word as clandupeness, but I did use it once and I think I […]

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Position Incurable

Pernicious canker; indiscriminate spitefulness Teases with capricious exhibitions of salubriousness Clan chief Strachan stricken Consequently, brood akin to felines on tin roof scorching Seven years canker has taunted caricature Norn man ponders if he fragmented mirror in 2010.   Similar to Damocles sabre, malignancy menaces Jeering at chief’s brood from position incurable It’s presence sickens Strachans No ransom can return table head’s wellbeing Canker seeks not riches, objective to torment […]

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