Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Archive for August 2017

Lies, Damned Lies & Statistics

Twenty one years ago today my brood and I moved into this modest residence in the suburbs of east Leeds. Since that day it’s been this Englishman and his clan’s castle, a small plot on this green and pleasant island that we’ve been proud to call our home. Like all domestic abodes, it has witnessed euphoria, sadness, hope and tears…… And that’s just the occasions I’ve listened to Leeds United games on the kitchen […]

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A Tangled Web We Weave

Weeding and pruning the garden borders at this time of year can be a real pain in the ass. Endeavouring to navigate the plethora of spiders webs without it’s creator ending up on your head or down your collar is a an acquired skill. Additionally, fall nuisance flies, miniscule of size but maximum of lughole itch, attempt to infiltrate the visage orifices of horticulturists, intent on countering the diminishing outside temperatures. The consequence being regardless of how often the gardener showers, the feeling of […]

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Domain Dismal

Only skin deep thy enchantment Vitriolic blight on caricature’s existence Masking habitual demeanour from dupable peers Gullible folks deceived of thy deportment ornery.   Loyalty blind amongst gang quartet Negativity prevails; irrational belief of mistreatment Harridan mater role model rancid Strangely proud of doll’s ne’er venturing from comfort zone   Meal tickets vilified, joy withheld at termagant’s indoctrination Vindictive; neurological wherewithal barren as joy they bestow Spiteful; schadenfreude quartet’s existential […]

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Memories Born From Fragments

Yesterday afternoon, I started the unenviable task of tidying our garage. A tedious job that included the cleaning out of my toolbox, sorting screws into comparable sizes and pondering why, during my 29 year marriage, I’d gone to the unnecessary expense of purchasing two of every tool. Amongst the emotional re-acquaintances I made sorting my toolbox, I was reunited with dust and wood shavings from when we lived in Bedfordshire over 21 years ago. Not to mention finding scores of […]

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Small Steps; Big Hearts

Yesterday afternoon, within the welcoming environment of our parents home, my sister Helen, her husband Steve, daughter Megan, my wife Karen and I cordially lunched with mater and pater. As ever, the quality of the buffet lunch didn’t disappoint. If food critic Egon Ronay had have been present he would have undoubtedly bestowed a glittering review on the feast provided by mum and dad (Maggie & Malcolm). Although always heart-warming to read a good […]

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Rhymes – Though Not For The Nursery

Parental Guidance – The author wishes to make it clear this parody prose contains naughty words that rhyme with duck, frastard and frollocks……. Well maybe not frollocks……… Baa Baa Black Sheep Have you any tuck No sir, no sir, have I f*** Adapted rhyme of wayward member of brood. The Grand Old Duke of York He had 10,000 men He didn’t know what to get them for Christmas So he […]

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A Decent Descent

Yesterday evening while scoured the enlightening world of social media, I was surprised by a post I spotted from my daughter Rachel, who’s currently residing in Canada. In the brief message she informed followers that she’d shortly be jumping out of a plane. A number of thoughts raced through my neurological corridors on viewing my offspring’s short post. Firstly, I hoped Rach had the sense to undertake this daring act with a parachute on her back. […]

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