Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Archive for June 2017

Have You Put The Irish Lottery On, Mags?

My dad underwent a lengthy operation on Wednesday. For confidentially reasons, I’m not going to elaborate on the actual procedure undertaken; unless you’re prepared to buy me a pint, in which case my discretion can go bollocks. He’s been a real trooper throughout this challenging stay, in particular with his attempts at suppressing his occasionally overbearing OCD. Apart from asking the surgeon “Can you remind my wife to put the […]

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Solving A Conundrum

Yesterday I wrote a narrative disclosing ten things you probably didn’t know about me. It was light hearted list, deliberately made daft, irrelevant, and uninformative. Without re-reading it, I can’t recollect most of the nonsense I penned; the only one springing to mind being ‘Little Jimmy Osmond taught my dog the piano.’…… A fact that was, of course, ridiculous and clearly untrue…….. Jimmy was a trombone teacher! After reading the draft prose, my wife Karen expressed disappointment at the inane choices I’d included within […]

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Ten Things You Didn’t Know

I’ve been told by experienced bloggers that when confronted by writers block it’s good practise to disclose to readers your story away from the quill. The theory being, by providing ten things they don’t know about you, your readership attain a greater insight into the author with a view to potentially build a stronger bond between both entities. Obviously, some caution needs to be applied when deciding on what personal information you elucidate to your audience. For instance, disclosing you’re online […]

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The Hat-Trick Hero

Yesterday afternoon my wife and I ventured to the Leeds General Infirmary, visiting a family member (for anonymity I’ll call Arthur) who is currently awaiting a surgical procedure. During our visit, the surgeon advised the work he’s undertaking is a major operation, one requiring a steady hand and meticulous care. That being said, though, he is confident he’ll not be so slapdash as to set off the buzzer resulting in […]

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Food For Thought

Ordinarily, my preference for my inaugural meal of the day is marmite on toast. On occasion, if I’m feeling particularly adventurous, I add a small tin of beans of the baked variety. A variety of Phaseolus vulgaris au jus tomato, which I find a flavoursome addition to the overall synergy of the recipe. I don’t always add the beans, I’m not that much of a culinary maverick, however I find occasionally they make […]

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Clickity Clack – Weatherman

Yesterday I wrote of a fictional eponymous character I’d been developing for a yet unwritten yarn with a working title of Hilda Chinwag. A gossip laden harridan, Miss Chinwag revels in her self-appointed role of peoples champion in the picturesque village of Ainsley Scragg. Her daily remit is to right wrongs, as well as concealing herself in villager’s refrigerators with a view to glean juicy secrets and eat their Mr Men yoghurts. A quintessential spinster, when she’s […]

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Pretentious Prose

Wintertide At The Roundhay Fox Parkland situ alehouse Stout of porter and constitution Thou comforting embers aglow Warming soul and spirit from unwanted chill.Wintertide sanctuary from Theoi Meteoroi Sustain thy children until time of bell Till adieus fall silent from thy ears And the Peroni pipes cease. ———————————————————- The Road to Recovery 2014, bereft of identity, hybrid of accent Self-induced annihilation of the yeti in the aircraft hanger On the […]

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