After injuring myself while over-stretching this morning, I’ve been tormented with lower back pain all day. Hurriedly making the bed having the consequence of me experiencing a day of suffering.

I’ve never previously been afflicted with back problems, so wasn’t prepared for how much it would restrict my movement, or indeed the resulting agony.

Since this incident, I’ve had lots of helpful advice from well meaning people, both with a regard to diagnosis and a remedy for my discomfort. A perplectic disc, spinal eradications and ‘poorly back disease’ being mooted by my peers as possible root causes for my affliction.

I’m grateful for the concern of family and friends, however I prefer to get diagnosis for health issues from people with 5-6 years of medical training, not internet doctors with a BTEC in Shoe Horn Studies.

Although meaning to help, the remedies suggested were by and large as ludicrous as those put forward for the root cause of my injuries.

The only treatment seeming feasible was a suggestion from a friend to put a bag of frozen peas on my lumbar injury. It appeared to be a decent idea until they bizarrely added it would only effectively ease my pain if I used Birdseye frozen peas.

Apparently, other brands of this frozen product don’t cut the mustard when it comes to giving relief from pain inflicted by ‘poorly back disease’!

Deeming the brand specific ice treatment as nonsense, I applied a bag of Sainsbury’s own brand frozen peas to the area of discomfort.

It had no real impact on reducing the pain. That being said, the bag splitting causing scores of frozen peas to cascade down the back of my jeans, probably didn’t help.

Perhaps the reason my friend advocated using Birdseye frozen peas had more to do with the bag being stronger than an own brand equivalent, not any increased remedial qualities of the peas themselves……. I’ve no idea, and I’m not going to google which frozen food producer utilises the strongest receptacles.

At this point, I did take some action which partially contributed to solving my problems……. I stuck cotton wool in my ears so I didn’t have to listen to anymore stupid advice!

With my undies full of Sainsburys’ frozen peas, cotton wool in my ears and still in lumbar pain, I sought relief from the alternative approach of applying a heated wheat bag to the area of discomfort.

The heat didn’t really have any tangible effect at easing my discomfort, although it did defrost the peas in my jeans more swiftly. Meaning I thankfully didn’t have to endure the chill in my undies for too long.

This being the case, I moved onto plan C of my pain relief strategy. This entailed dosing up on paracetamol and applying Voltarol gel to my lower back. This approach had a benefit of easing my discomfort, by taking the edge off the agony I was experiencing earlier.

Right, as I need to empty defrosted peas from my undies, in addition to go for a walk to stop my back seizing up further, I’ll bring this narrative to a close.